I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
