Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
