her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
