Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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