Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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