I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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