Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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