drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
