Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
