I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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