Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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