But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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