I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me i tasted like america
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
