I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
