Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
