we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
