Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
