Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
