you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
