I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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