he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
