'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
