Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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