mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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