I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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