and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
