Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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