I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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