Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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