First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize