We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
