Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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