If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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