He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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