When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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