my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
