found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
