Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
