I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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