Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
