how do flat chested girls get laid?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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