Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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