he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
try to milk me bitch
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