I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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