let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
