I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
