That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
