I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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