Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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