sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
