someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
