im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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