he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
