Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
