I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
