I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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