hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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