My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
