Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
