No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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