True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
