If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
