if only i could text you this smell
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
