The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
