There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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