her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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