Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
