I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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