In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
did i just pee glitter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
